Need your advice - Aeroscholars proposal

[nwafan20]

Hey guys,

My school allows students to take up to 2 classes online, but only from a certain site. Beyond that you can submit a proposal, so that is what I am doing for the program Aeroscholars (http://www.aeroscholars.com). I wrote this up tonight, and before I submit it with my application, I would like to know what you guys think.

Oh, and if any High School student wants a copy to send to their administrator (with some changes like the name, etc.), just PM me and I will send you a copy.

Here is the 3 page proposal I wrote:
http://www.detroitspotters.com/images/upload/as1.jpg
http://www.detroitspotters.com/images/upload/as2.jpg
http://www.detroitspotters.com/images/upload/as3.jpg

Tell me what you think and any changes you feel would be good.

[GrummanFan]

Just a few grammatical and stylistic things...

-Beginning sentence of second paragraph: I would change " The reason for me writing this letter..." to something like "The reason I am writing this letter..."

-You repeat the word "program" five times in the second paragraph. You might consider changing the second one, "...comparable programs" to "...comparable solutions."

-Overview of FAQ: Start the first sentence with "The" so it is no longer a fragment. The second sentence is also a fragment. Try something like "Through this course, a student is able to obtain..."

-Signature: Get rid of the dash in front, and remember to leave room for you to physically sign the letter in ink.

-"It's" in the last sentence should should be "its" (no apostrophe).


Overall, it looks pretty good. I hope they accept your proposal!