PDA

View Full Version : I got a major problem... some help?



Iberia A340-600
01-08-2007, 06:02 PM
So after seeing Bobby's post about getting the girl he likes to go out on a date with him and seeing what great advice was offered to him I figured this might be the best place to ask this question or to ask for help.

I don't go to a very large school. It is a smallish private school and there are only about 36 kids in my grade which is considered large for my school. The majoriy of people in my grade are girls with some guys in my grade, most of them that I have known for a couple of years since I went to Middle School with them.

I hang out with the girls mostly at schools because the guys have sort of drifted away from me or me from them since I guess I have matured more faster then they have.

It has just come to the point where I really can't stand to hang out with the girls anymore. They really bother me a lot and don't understand anything that I'm going through (no offense to Mel or Yaas).

I don't feel like I have any best friends at school. In Elementary School and when I went to school in Spain I defitenley felt like I had best friends that I could confine all my secrets in and always know that I would be able to talk to and know that they would care and be there for me.

At my school I don't feel like I have that.

My problem is that I defitenley care about my friends but I think it would be the best thing from me to grow apart from them. Then there is the other problem that there isn't really anyone at school that I could feel was my best friend but I'm sure I could make an effort.

It is really tearing me apart since I feel close to the girls but I just don't think I can stand them much longer and I just feel really lonley when I get home.

You guys know what I mean?

Any suggestions?

Thanks...

jran225
01-08-2007, 06:23 PM
I know what you mean Gordon. It's happened to me a couple of times over the course of my school years - the one crowd that you once hung out with starts going in a different direction and the remaining crowd is just downright unbearable. It's really inevitable, considering how many changes in social relationships take place during these times. Fortunately for you (and the rest of us students), these things tend to be phasal, meaning that they pass with time - the guys will catch up with you eventually (I must admit, you are alot more mature than most kids your age and I admire that) and so will most of the girls. Best advice I can give you for the moment is to just sit tight, not do anything drastic and see how things work out. Remember, we're always here for you if things at school don't go your way at times. :wink:

Greets,
-Omar S.

P.S.: When frustration strikes, you can always slap Mario's monkey, haha. :)

N790SW
01-08-2007, 06:27 PM
Well Gordon

From what I can tell you- is deffinatly try myspace, myspace is good in a way because thats how you can meet new and cool people- even in your area and maybe a litte further- I am not sure if you drive or not , but its something to look into.Heck I met Christina that way on myspace and through my good friend.

As for the whole girl thing, most girls get really weird, and I am sure if you dont call them they probably get mad at you, and who really needs that right!!!! lol. Soo just make up an excuse or something to not be around them, and the ones that you are close to, just talk to them about the whole thing, I am sure if they were really your friend they would listen.

Good Luck Bro and let us know what happened.


I think I am starting a new trend here- maybe soon we will be the " Dr.Phil Of Aviation Photography" =P

mirrodie
01-08-2007, 06:55 PM
Hey bud. I sort of went through similar issues in private schools. In elementary school, I had no real friends. I was the new kid in 4th grade, I never really blended in. I became more shy than ever.

Come High school, I re-invented myself and broke out, became a social butterfly. And to be honest, I loved having all those girl friends. NOT dating, just many female friends. However, although I had tons of 'friends' they were not real great friendships. No best friends really. I keep in touch with one other guy from college but no "best "friend"

I've got 1 female best friend from high school and one from college. I've always had an easier time being friends with women. Such is life.

In fact, in all my life (I'm 31 now), I've only recently made great enduring friendships with men. It's just the way things happened. And I never really concentrated on 'best friends' but now that I have them, I know who they are :)

In lieu of all that, there is good family and a strong sense of self. That helped me during those periods where I may have been relatively lonely.

but I just don't think I can stand them much longer

What is it exactly about the girls that you can't stand? And why the drift from the guys? Any ideas?

In any case, first off, let me be the first to say, forget myspace, you've got us :) Welcome to our asylum ;) Mel is nurse Ratched. And NIk is just CuKOOO!! We might cast MidnightMike as...Martini.

(Gordon, see "One Flew Over CooKoo's nest"...its an old reference.Great movie)

but I think it would be the best thing from me to grow apart from them

I wouldn't suggest burning any bridges. Think about what's drawing you from/to everyone else. You don't want to be unhappy/lonely in school since its such a large aspect of your life right now. You want some friends in school.

to just sit tight, not do anything drastic and see how things work out

Yep!I would recommend doing that too. Just relax and enjoy without 'burning down any bridges by making drastic changes.

Finally, believe me, I know I can't type for anything. (but believe it or not, I did well in spelling bees and took Honors English in college) When I read,...

matured more faster then

could confine all my secrets

I know your parents are paying big bucks for private school. Just don't write like that for your papers and tests in school ;)

PhilDernerJr
01-08-2007, 08:16 PM
Gordon,

You're at any age where EVERYONE is changing. People start going in the final directions of their lives, and it WILL differ from those around them. That is very normal.

Private school tends to get very "cliquey", and I think the groups are more defined and less diverse there. And if one of them doesn't connect with you, then it can be tough.

The truth also is that you're very smart and advanced for your age, and private school or not, you'll find yourself being a lot more picky with those that you can be close to or are your "friendship match" anyway.

In high school, I was very outgoing but there were very few that were like me and I didn't fit into any specific crowd. However, I was friends with almost everyone and it didn't matter. As I grew up and my interests and lifestyle developed, my friend crowd shrunk, and those that stayed my friends became closer to me, because that's how life goes.

Now, most of my close friends are aviation-related. Granted, we are a diverse group and strong hobby aside, I happen to have other similar interests with some people around here as well. Of course, we are your friends but most of us are much older and having friends your own age who are going through your same experiences, as you said, is important and necessary.

Ultimately, I think you're going to have to be strong and tough, as you've already shown. If you can't find anyone that you can confide in and be close to, then tough it out until you do find those good friends. The need to have good friends is a powerful one, but don't let that make yourself feel pressured or desperate to find a great friend, as you'll surely end up confiding in the wrong people. Trust is the bottom line.

It's tough at your age because you lack certain freedoms that an adult has. Because I know myself a lot more now, I have the ability to go hang out in places that is more "my" kinda crowd, perhaps run into people that can become good friends.

You're smart enough to not have denial that your current friends might not be the right friends for you, so you're ahead of the game. Maybe there are a couple people you know in a small social crowd that might better click with you? If so, maybe figure a way to hang with them and meet more of their friends that don't go to your school. Expand however you can.

Remember that you and your friendship is valuable, and people that you choose to be close to need to also be just as kind and trustworthy as you. Never cast your pearls before swine.

Please ask any other questions that you have.

Iberia A340-600
01-08-2007, 08:39 PM
Thanks so much guys. You have given me the advice that I was looking for.

I was also thinking that it is only 9th grade and usually things change as you get into 10th grade and grow older.

I guess since I'm 15 my mind has started to think a little differently as I begin to think about what I want to be in life like an architecte or a pilot.

Again thanks so much guys and it really helped me.

I'll let you know how things go in the long run by and by as things happen.

N790SW
01-08-2007, 08:53 PM
Hey this may come out strange but hey apparently it kinda worked for me, get the one girl whos really close to you, and tell her about planes a little bit- and if she gets interested then there ya go. Thats my 2 cents but It doesnt hurt right?

Iberia A340-600
01-08-2007, 09:12 PM
Hey this may come out strange but hey apparently it kinda worked for me, get the one girl whos really close to you, and tell her about planes a little bit- and if she gets interested then there ya go. Thats my 2 cents but It doesnt hurt right?

Eh most of my friends laugh at the whole plane thing but they are impressed by it sometimes. A British Airways 747-400 heading towards JFK this afternoon flew over campus and I identified it in a second, that sure impressed them!

PhilDernerJr
01-08-2007, 09:58 PM
Hey this may come out strange but hey apparently it kinda worked for me, get the one girl whos really close to you, and tell her about planes a little bit- and if she gets interested then there ya go. Thats my 2 cents but It doesnt hurt right?

Bobby, I'd consider following advice before dishing it out.

N790SW
01-08-2007, 10:09 PM
I am sorry phil i dont understand what you just said?

Mellyrose
01-08-2007, 10:23 PM
He means that you aren't exactly in a place to be GIVING advice considering the other SIX pages of you not TAKING advice from others.

moose135
01-08-2007, 10:31 PM
A British Airways 747-400 heading towards JFK this afternoon flew over campus and I identified it in a second, that sure impressed them!

Oh, major geekatude :D Actually, most of my friends think I'm a little odd with this airplane stuff, at least until they see some of my photos...

My teenage years were in another millennium, but some things never change. You've gotten some good advice here - well, except maybe from Bobby :D - it may seem like the end of the world, but you're young, and still have time to grow, meet people, make new friends. My closest friend is someone I met in high school, when I was your age. 30 years later, we're like brothers.

You're a smart kid, more mature than a lot of guys your age - that may be why you get along better with the girls then the guys, we tend to mature later (OK, so some of us are still working on that part!) Have some fun, enjoy life, and keep an open mind about things. And don't forget, you have friends here who are glad to help you out.

And one last piece of advice about women - after 46 years, I can honestly tell you, they never get any easier to figure out :D

N790SW
01-08-2007, 10:58 PM
He means that you aren't exactly in a place to be GIVING advice considering the other SIX pages of you not TAKING advice from others.

WOOAAAA!!!!!!!!! well one things for sure I have taken all the advice but I have been trying to talk her but I also got family things now going on too. I have taken all your advice but pretty much I have to talk to christina- I tried it tonight too. But that is for the other topic. I dont understand how that relates to this when this is his friend , not someone he wants to date and whats going on/ gunna go on with me and christina has nothing to do with this topic- thats why I gave him my advice, its good karma and I believe that since he helped me I will help him and anyone else on this site that helped me.

Unless you all go to my high school then you can say what kind of advice I gave, otherwise you dont know what other points I may be strong at as far as giving advice, I dont want to burn my bridges here because I love all you guys, but in my opion its not fair to say I dont give good advice and thats how I feel , if you feel I dont then thats what you have to say.

High School is a diffrent experience for everone- even a private school too. Soo Gordon you take the advice you get from these people and everyone else.

USAF Pilot 07
01-09-2007, 02:57 AM
Here's my advice... Since your school is pretty small, I'm sure everyone knows everyone and knows everything that is going on. Now I don't know what kinda person you are in bed, or even if you've had any experience in bed, but either way I don't really care to know...
But, back to the advice. Get with as many chicks as you can. Build up a rep as an amazing dude in bed. If you are inexperienced in bed, find that girl who you can pay to spread the word that you're amazing in bed. Most girls your age probably don't even know what good sex is. Heck I mean most girls who haven't been with me don't know what good sex is. ;) Anyway, word will get out that you're a freak in bed and awesome at sex, which will make you an "intriguing" person among the girls who will want to get to know you better, and give you mad props from the guys, who only dream about getting a fraction of the action you get.
Then, you'll find that soon enough your guy friends will be coming to you for advice on getting girls and stuff, and girls will be a lot more flirty and come onto you a lot more in hopes of seeing how good you really are. The beauty of this is that even if you suck, it won't matter because no girl your age is going to be that "outcast" who says "he sucked" because she'll fear that something is wrong with her...
Anyway, this is the sure fire way to become really popular and get maddddd ass. In a few years, after you all go your separate ways to college and stuff, people will find out about your scheme, and the beauty of it is that those girls, will end up probably end up not talking to you again (something you said you wanted) and the guys will be like "damn, this kid is a genious and a pimp" and will give you even more props...

Anyway, just my 2 cents...

Ok, I'm not really serious, but I mean you could get some sweet action outta it, and it would be interesting to see how it pans out... But what you are feeling is normal. Follow some of the advice laid out above, some of it is pretty good. Find out what works and doesn't work for you. Good luck!

moose135
01-09-2007, 09:05 AM
Nice advice there, Clark. I'm glad to see the future of my Air Force is in such good hands :wink:

hiss srq
01-09-2007, 09:36 AM
Way to go Clark.... Gordon well... I would say just do your thing keep to yourself a little bit too. Everyone eneeds to do that from time to time and well..... The bros will come around and the..... oh never mind... ladies will drift anyhow thats how it goes. Remember in life your your only best friend. You have many that run a close second but when push comes to shove you have to be able to support yourself in every genre of life. I went to a private baording school in a pretty distant part of the island of Jamaica for my Sophmore and JR. year and we were actually seperated down there. Very little interaction with the ladies and that is something for me if you know me that was UNBEARABLE!! BUT.... It teaches you to deal with diffrent types and to be friends with every type really. The guys may be slightly off center from you as far as matureity goes but you (yes I said you) will come around. The guys will grow up some and you will realize that sometimes you have to just break out and let loose. I was a geek (hard to beleive) (and not saying you are one either) when I was younger and well.... Sometimes you just have to say.... awwww screw it and do it man... You just have to live sometimes.

USAF Pilot 07
01-09-2007, 01:34 PM
Nice advice there, Clark. I'm glad to see the future of my Air Force is in such good hands :wink:

Haha, what can I say, I keeps it real... 8)

Even though I was not serious and my advice to him wouldn't be to do that, I do think it would make for a nice, albeit unethical, case study or experiment.

nwafan20
01-09-2007, 05:12 PM
Gordon, I know right where your coming from, I have been there and I am kind of still there now (not as much). Just give it time, people should mature. In the meantime, try to find one kid who seems to be more keen to your maturity, and try to bond with him, it always helps having at least one good friend.

If all else fails, come out to Michigan and you can go to my school, I could always use an aviation friend when I feel like talking aviation! :D

Iberia A340-600
01-09-2007, 09:14 PM
Great advice Clark, I'll try and bang as many chicks as possible. ;)

Today was better then yesterday but I think I am having some severe mood swings which really changes whether or not I'm really happy and random like my normal self or quiet and snappy which is not my normal self.

Everyone was running around today and chasing each other during free times and it struck me as so in-mature at the time but now I think about it and it is just having as much fun as you can while your still young.

Alex T
01-09-2007, 09:37 PM
Iberia- I am near 20 and i STILL run around like im 5 years old. Sometimes it does come off as immature but hey your having fun. And sometimes it really is a blast to just be free and be a kid again.

I too see what you say about hanging with mature people. I am mature myself *tells tommy and hiss to shut up* but when i see them acting like kids im liek this isnt right? But i lean torwards older folks because of how mature they act.

But sometimes its fun to drop your pants and be a kid *again tells tommy and hiss to shut up*.

So ENJOY YOURSELF! :)

Alex