Most Humorous ATC Conversation

[Speedbird1]

Before 9-11, I listened to the JFK Control Tower daily for about 3 hours. I even listened during the ATC Strike during the Reagan years. It was very enlightening as I have no flying knowledge. I still recall several humorous moments. Some moments not so humorous, like when an SAS DC-10 slid off the end of Rwy 4R. My favorite humorous episode, which I'll never forget, was when the pilot of a small aircraft, called controller Mary "sweetheart" and she gave it to him. I'll never forget her exact words, "My father can call me sweetheart, my boyfriend can call me sweetheart, but you cannot call me sweetheart. He had no response; there was a silence for about a minute. She put him in his place for showing disrespect. A second humorous episode was when a TWA pilot flying over Asalt exclaimed, "I'm being Aysalted". Imagine if he said that now. I don't think they use Asalt anymore. It was on the VOR 13 Approach off Rockaway Point. And my last recall, was on Christmas Eve, when the controller told all the aircraft ready to depart Rwy 31L, "Taxy into position and ho-ho-ho". I forgot which year. I no longer listen to the tower, but I'd like to hear from you guys if there were any humorous moments you can recall.

[AirtrafficController]

I don't think they use Asalt anymore.

Incorrect. They still use the ASALT Intersection when Kennedy is on the VOR 13L approach.

[ISP Pilot]

I used to listen to LGA and JFK years ago as well and have to say that it minimized my mic-fright when I started taking flying lessons. One of the CFIs at my flight school asked my CFI how many years I'd been flying and was surprised to learn I was just a student. There used to be an controller at LGA back in the 90s who had a heavy Chinese accent who I thought was humorous to listen to. Once when I was approaching ISP, the controller told me to follow the LIE and get off at Exit 59 then cleared me to land 33L.

[Speedbird1]

I take your word that they still use the ASALT intersection. I know changes have been made since I stopped listening to ATC after 911. I think that the outer marker for ILS 22L LORRS is no longer in use. I always felt that name came from Laurelton, Queens and JOCKE (22R) came from Belmont Track. Some names I can't figure; they must be random. An example would be RUSHY (VOR/DME 22L). Thanks for filling me in.

[ISP Pilot]

I heard once that BETTE was the wife's name of one of the managers at JFK tower.

[hiss srq]

Entering the pattern at SRQ once in a C172 (N393SP) for a full stop on 14 we were number three coming up the coast from the south and a PSA CR7 was just turning final from the north. They checked in with SRQ tower "bluestreak 3*** 8 miles out for the visual 14" SRQ tower responded "Bluestreak 3*** number two for the runway traffic is a Bonanza on a 2 mile advise you have them in site" to which they responded "Roger, Bluestreak 3*** has the Doctor in sight" and than received landing clearnce. I got a pretty good laugh out of that one.


I was also onboard a particular Senica in the metro area once who's pilot tends to do what he wants alot. We entered the ramp with him taxiing and proceeded to roll right into the hanger before chopping the props. The controller made a comment right before we shut the masters off on frequency about those "new invisable tugs". :lol:

[Speedbird1]

I thought that BETTE was named after actress Bette Davis. Actually, I once read that the waypoints and beacon names are computer-generated but JOCKE being so near to Belmont Track makes me wonder.

[cancidas]

not exactly funny, but this was pretty cool to watch and listen to:

Gulfstream 8CA: Republic tower, Gulfstream 8CA is over Captree Bridge with Romeo, inbound touch-and-go.
FRG Tower: Gulfstream 8CA, say again your request?
Gulfstream 8CA: 8CA is over Captree, inbound VFR, requesting touch-and-go.
FRG Tower: Standby 8CA.
FRG Tower: (after brief pause) Gulfstream 8CA, we would love to see that, report right downwind 1-9, touch-and-goes on request.
Gulfstream 8CA: Right downwind 1-9.
Gulfstream 8CA: Tower, 8CA is right downwind.
FRG Tower: Roger 8CA, make short approach, cleared touch-and-go 1-9.
Gulfstream 8CA: short approach, cleared touch-and-go.
Mooney 4681N: republic tower, Mooney 4681N is on the ILS 1-4, circle to land 1-9.
FRG Tower: Roger Mooney 81N, proceed on the ILS approach, traffic is a touch-and-go G-5 that is in the upwind of 1-9 at the moment and will be making right traffic. Cleared missed approach, make left traffic.
Mooney 81N: say again tower, touch-and-go G-5?
FRG Tower: that's correct 81N.
Mooney 81N: Uh... cleared missed approach, Mooney 81N.
Mooney 81N: 81N going missed.
FRG Tower: Roger 81N.
Gulfstream 8CA: Tower, 8CA is right downwind, touch-and-go.
FRG Tower: Gulfstream 8CA, you are number 2 right now behind a Mooney currently turning left base.
Gulfstream 8CA: Number 2 behind the Mooney, 8CA.
FRG Tower: Mooney 81N, cleared to land.
Mooney 81N: Roger tower, cleared to land, 81N.
FRG Tower: Gulfstream 8CA, cleared touch-and-go.
Gulfstream 8CA: Cleared touch-and-go, 8CA.
Gulfstream 8CA: Tower, 8CA is right downwind 1-9, full stop this time.
FRG Tower: Is playtime over for 8CA?
Gulfstream 8CA: For now at least, it's time to pick up the boss.
FRG Tower: Ok then, make short approach, cleared to land.
Gulfstream 8CA: Cleared to land, 8CA.
FRG Tower: Gulfstream 8CA, contact ground on .6, good day. You can tell the boss we made you do that.
Gulfstream 8CA: Roger, 8CA. Good day.

[Mateo]

I thought that BETTE was named after actress Bette Davis. Actually, I once read that the waypoints and beacon names are computer-generated but JOCKE being so near to Belmont Track makes me wonder.

Nope; some waypoints are absolutely themed to their locations, cities, or even some sequences (for the latter, look up the GPS 16 at PSM). The LOM for the ILS 1 to DCA is called OXONN. It happens to be located in Oxon Hill, MD. The GPS 19R at ADW has DUBYA and BUUSH; the same approach on the other side of the runway to 1L has FORRD and RREGN. PREZZ is also somewhere on an Andrews approach.