Funny metaphors from high school

My English teacher distributed a paper which consisted a list of funny metaphors used my students in their essays made by many English teachers. Here is the list: Enjoy :D (BTW we are smarter then this) :P

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with wisdom that only came from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now he goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

5. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintergrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

6. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

7. Her hair glistened in the rain like a noise hair after a sneeze.

8. John and Mary never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

9. The plan was simple, like my brother in law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

10. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

11. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.