Aviation News

November 22, 2010

BREAKING: Leonardo DiCaprio Was Onboard Delta Flight That Did Not Blow Up and Kill Everyone at JFK

Screw the other 199 schmucks on board: No fewer than 60 outlets listed on Google News have reported today that Leo Di-effing-Caprio was on board Sunday night’s Moscow-bound Delta flight which lost an engine and made an emergency landing at JFK. Well, make that 61.

A statement from DiCaprio’s people read:

“En route to attend the Tiger Summit in St. Petersburg, Leonardo DiCaprio was one of the passengers aboard Delta Flight 30. He wishes to commend the actions of the pilot and flight crew in bringing the plane to a safe landing.”

Many of the stories used absurdly over-the-top headlines like, “How Leonardo DiCaprio Escaped Plane Crash,” worded as if the plane had actually crashed, yet this superhuman, immortal DiCaprio had crawled out of the burning wreckage while everyone else died. (Note: That didn’t work out too well for him in Titanic.) Thankfully, a few actually grasped the actual not-that-dangerous nature of the situation, i.e. “Engine fails during Leo’s Delta flight.”

Shockingly, we have not yet found any conspiracy theories connecting last night’s JFK landing with news this morning that DiCaprio is producing and will star in a new John F. Kennedy assassination conspiracy movie. Boom, now you have one. You’re welcome, America.